Aria Mortale...

It is oficially that time of year again...the magical time when generous gifts abound.

No - not Christmas.  

Cold and Flu Season.

Basically, the Hart family seem to all be rather 'healthy' througout the year, but since baby girl has been attending the 'Nido' - which translates to 'Nest' (playschool) - we have been gifted with several ailments.  Ah the joys of parenting.  Quite literally, Olivia's little ' Nest' is in fact a nest for breeding germs, diseases and about every other lurgy you could imagine.  When asked upon enrollment what worried me about sending her there, I laughed off the suggestions that she would find it difficult to socialise, not share her toys, or not eat well...my top concern was her getting ill.  

My fears were certainly warranted.  

I just forgot to include MYSELF and Hubs in that equation.  As I write this, poor hubs has taken to his bed with the latest bug...this one has made the rounds already through our family and friends...and apparently it loves us so much it has returned. Yippee.  

So, illness is quite an international thing obviously.  No culture or race is immune from anything that goes around in the wintry season.  

But the way in which Italians cope with and even the specific illnesss which they contract are something out of this world.  I have long been told I was crazy for my apparent lack of clothing on days when I chose to wear ONLY a top and a cardi...GASP!  Something I wish I would have been informed of before my migration across the pond is that - according to Italians - the air here is positively DEADLY.  

That's right.  You heard me.  DEADLY.

It can quite literally kill you, or at least give you a stiff neck.  This is why Italians - I'll go ahead and throw myself in that mix as well - look so darn stylish.  We are never sans scarf.  NOT a fashion thing mind you, but rather a 'death prevention' thing.  Works like a charm. Forgot your scarf today?  Best find something to wrap around your neck or pop your collar...Don't want that air to get you.

So what is the deal with the air you ask?  

It is the very simple and deadly malady called 'colpa d'aria' - a hit of the air.  

Didn't wear a scarf? Boom. Colpa d'aria.  Bed two days.

Forgot to tuck in your shirt after going to the bathroom? BOOM.  Air crept in your shirt.  Diarrhea.

Drove with your window open? BAZAM. Air on your neck.  Torcicollo - stiff neck.

....and the MOST bizarre I have ever personally heard....

"You have a urinary tract infection.  You must have got a colpa d'aria."  

Really?  Up my skirt???

This deadly air thing made me laugh at first, but as my time here goes on it seriously gets more and more ridiculous.  Baby girl in the swimming pool in June...not super hot outside, but it was a perfect day for a little skinny dip and a splash round.  (Hey we live in the country, baby spends most of the sumer half naked running round here...)  Now for any of you who have kids, one thing you KNOW you cannot prevent is the dreaded poop in the pool.  It will happen at least once a summer.  Livvy goes in the pool during a lesson and leaves a little surprise for daddy...when I asked my student to kindly excuse me, as I needed to lend a hand, she offered her kind advice that probably we shouldnt let her go naked in the pool, as when the water touches a human stomach, said human immediately poos.  

Seriously? 

I was not so much concerned about her severe lack of the understanding of the human anatomy as I was with the sheer horror that any time I may have showered in an Italian's home, I had been standing bare foot in a veritable 2nd toilet.  

So do they just go to take a shower, step under water and immediately POO???

Is the Italian human makeup lacking about 3 feet of intestine?  Does the poo just fall out upon contact with water?  What about public swimming pools?  Full of Poo?  

Eeek.  Enough of that...

Aside from the killer air here, the other difficulty I have found is not with the illness itself, but with the freedom in which they feel as though they need to share.  As Americans, we are taught at a young age that the basic response to "How are you?" is ALWAYS "fine thanks!" or "great!".  Even if your eyes are bleeding and you vomit a bit in your mouth while you say it, never overshare.  I don't want to know for REAL how you are, I just have to say it to make it seem like I care.

Typical Italian response to "How are you?"

"Oooh, I am not so good.  You see the other day I got a bit of air on my neck while I was driving, and I immediaely had to take to bed as the diarrhea just kept coming and coming.  And then of course the next day my per----"

OK stop right there my pizza-eating friend.  That is about all I need. TMI.

But after all this complaining, I must say that the whole general health department is definitely where the USA has some severe catching up to do.  Even though they complain, they are also treated well.  No person who is here legally can say they are not being taken care of.  I have no idea what half the stuff my doctor gives me when I am ill (which is a strangely high number of different meds that you stir into water and down like a boilermaker at closing time...) but I am entitled to the care. And it is great.  No worrying and waiting to see if you REALLY need to go to the doc.  Just go, this is your benefit of paying taxes - and with the tax we pay here, I certainly try to get my money's worth ; )

OK, enough rambling, I am afraid that the Attack of the Man Flu requires a bit of delicate attention...not unsimilar to this little clip...

Get well soon little bunny Henry....


xoxo sjkh