I Grandi Problemi...

When I was in middle school, I joined a club called "Future Problem Solvers of America".

(Yeah, I have no idea how I came out of adolescence this cool either...)

We had to brainstorm solutions for many different problems and sticky situations.  I cannot remember all of them, but I do recall that old problem about the truck which will not fit under the overpass...it was 6th grade, we weren't solving any nuclear fusion problems, just simple stuff.  

I really enjoyed the club; probably because I was nerdy but more likely to be that there was a boy in the club I thought was cute too....

Now, fast forward to 2011.  

Wife.  Mum.  Homeowner. 

These titles bring with them a whole crop of problems which cannot be simply solved by letting the air out of someones tires (but I would certainly try if it was a last resort...).

Finances.  Daycares.  General upkeep of property.  

These are problems and issues that my fellow Americans have been facing since the word problem was created.

But there was no club at good old JMS for Future Problem Solvers of Americans-Living-In-Italy.  Damn.

And very obviously there was no club here in Italy called "Futuro Risolutori di Problemi di Italia"...how do I know this?  Well.  YOU try to come here and get things done.  There is a magical thing that happens when an Italian is faced with a tough decision or a problem.  

They completely freak out.

Observe...

A self-styled flow chart mapping the Italian thought process when faced with a problem...

In essence, a wall is built and there is no way to break it down.  

And while I am beating my head against a wall thinking about how easy it is to get things done in the USA...

If you want to blow it up and hang it on your wall, I do not blame you...it's a thing of beauty...

I completely lose it.  

There are days it is wonderful to love in such a beautiful place, where the weather is lovely, the food is amazing, and the quality of life is unmatched...

But for every beautiful day, there is a day full of other Italians who are constantly trying to break my balls about something.  Charging outlandish prices for simple jobs, never showing up to an appointment, showing up 45 minutes late to a meeting, asking for another copy of a document they already have because they want one (the SAME one) a bit more recent than two months ago.  

Va. Fan. Cu. Lo.

Seriously.  Bite me.

Then after all the bitching and moaning, the head beating and hair pulling.  This lovely creature wakes up...

...and tells me some lovely story about ducks, caca and tickling.  And all is set right again.

 
Until next time...keep calm and carry on...

xoxo sjkh